… It would be so that they understood it is not okay to relieve themselves within the house or at least not under the table or on the freshly laundered door mat or anywhere else where there is not a tray. That there is a perfectly good garden and indeed a garden either side of my property where they can go and relieve themselves and that the earth is freshly dug over and therefore easy for them to dig into and do their business without straining themselves too much.
The second thing would be and has to be, that it is not okay to go around, toppling pan lids over and then stealing the contents. Nor do I want them assisting me in making my meals, or them then trying to taste it before I have even had a mouthful myself. Both of these things annoy me immensely and naturally as much as I curse them for their behaviour the more they ignore it. I tried not cursing and simply put them on the floor, they ignored that too. They do not give a damn, a fuck or any other expletive laden verb. They are cats and somebody once told them they were once regarded as Gods. cats have not forgotten this and regard humans as stupid pliable creatures, that tremble at the idea of the feline demonstrating it’s displeasure by refusing food and or Dog forbid pissing on the bed. Cats do not give a fuck, in fact the more humans give one the less they do.
Finally and completely disregarding the parameters of the original question (One thing) It would be nice, desirable, ideal that these animals could understand the Human language. In this case English, other languages have been tried including bad I do not have a hope ih hell of learning and or being able to speak cat.
The musings of a professionally confused artist 
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