I shoot up a load of Heroin and take the evening off.
Actually that is just a joke, I have tried Heroin but never intravenously and not in the last 30 plus years. There was the one experience in France, where I ingested it and several times in hospital and that has been my lot. I like that drug enough to not go near again any time soon.
How do I uwind after a demanding day? Every day is demanding in some way or other and some days are more demanding than others. It just depends on what I need at the end of it all. Once upon a time it was a big fat spliff and now that is no longer an option I have to find something else. Thats is the trouble, finding an option. I like to draw, paint and otherwise create, but that is my main task in life, I am an artist and it is my work. So erhaps I write to unwind and calm my mind, but I do that in the day time, so it is hardly the end of the day is it? One thing I do know is creating helps me tremendously. Even something so simple as building a spiliff ised to suffice, but that is no longer an option. Apart from caffeine, I now appear to be drug free and I am not sure if that is a good thing. Some things certainly seem to have improved, but still there is a craving for something else. Chocolate sems to hit the spot a little, but it lacks that vital spark you know. Maybe I need sex and a healthy relationship to go with it. I have recently escaped a dodgy relationship with someone I really liked, turned out she is a bit of a fruit cake. Which must be horrible for her and not very nice for anyone else. I am wtiting about that experience, but whether it will be publised anythime soon is another matter. I suspect there will be a court case coming up at some point and there are already obligations I have to pay heed to. I do not particularly want too much to do with her in any case. She is not good for me.
If its sex, one can perhaps get around that with porn and having a quick one off of the wrist. Which is all very good and fine, but rather boring. You cannot exqactly sit down with the porn actress and share a meal together and there is no chance of snuggling up in bed together either. And would you really want to? Unless of course that actress just happens to be your fairer half. This latter does not really bear thinking about, or does it? How do porn actresses (and actors) Wind down at the end of the day? maybe a mug of hot chocolate and watching a movie. (what sort?) I do not know the answer to this one. All I know is I am not a porn actor and my methods of relaxation are probably somewhat different. Thank God I do not fuck for a living. It would be knackering in the extreme and there is no chance of making an easy day of it and having a little bit of a skive.
Maybe I should exercise more, go swimming in the evening instead of the day time. No wait a minute, its usually heaving in the evening and it would be hideous. I dislike crowds and considering its nearly always lane swimming, which makes it doubly horrible. gardening is perhaps the most therapeutic of things to do. It provides for pysical exercise, gets one outside and into nature and you are growing things, sometimes you even get to eat them. gardening is great. I love gardening. Having someone to garden with would be even better, someone not afraid to get dirt under her nails and dig the manure in. Someone as comfortable n a pair of wellies as they are in heels.Someone who likes the dirt between their toes, with rough calloused soles and broken nails too. A woman to come home to would be heaven, converations with myself can be pretty one sided and going out is never as much fun when you are just with yourself. Who else feels this way? O spoke about being extremely lonely, she was not happy in hger own self that was clear. She disliked, nay probably hated that I am happy in my own self, that I am not lonely as such. I think it infuriated her and it must have been horrible for her in so many ways. I hope she is ok, I have no animosity towrds her and it pisses me off, that things went the way they did. Still what can I do? I can move on, work on myself and that around me. Attract something new and healthier into my life and stick with it.
I am not complaing by the way, just saying how things are. Life is about living,not complaining and having regrets. It is too short for that and I am not sure how long I have left. As O said, tomorrow I may be dead. We probably all want someone to sewttle down with, some of us are happy with a cat or a dog sometimes both. I prefer cats over dogs any day I don’t need to say why. However when it comes to relationships I actually prefer humans. There is only so much you can do with a cat and they hate going on holiday. Anyone who has tried to cram their feline into a carry case can testify to this, it is not worth the struggle. Strke your cat, speak to her and hold her when she brings you a leaf from the pond.
Be happy for the warm sun on your back and also for the cold rain that nourishes the earth. Actually I dislike the rain, it buggers up my gardening activities and the sky is inevitably grey and miserable when it does. They say nature abhors a vacuum and something must soon fill the void left. It is just a matter of clearing away the debris and getting on with life.
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