THURSDAY 19TH DECEMBER 2024

It is alternating between leaden and pale blue skies today and I am wondering whether to venture into town or city which it rightfully is. Actually it will prove more profitable tomorrow and I will raid the charity shop in search of interesting books to read whilst I am about it. Transport wise? Will probably take the car, less chance of getting stuff squashed and or ending up shivering from being soaked in sweat on the ride home with a heavy pack on my back. Christmas shopping is proving easier than expected I am simply rooting through cupboards, looking on shelves and getting rid of stuff I do not want any more. this includes a book on erotic aerobics featuring lots of pictures of blondes with big hair in leg warmers and leotards, real 1980’s stuff. I found it at a car boot sale years ago for the princely sum of next to fuck all. Give it a few more years and it will still be worth that. The author or at least the name Peter Barry varies between being an Irish politician. (deceased) A professor of English at Aberystwyth which is some place in Wales, An estate agent and or a poet. It’s quite interesting what a quick google search can come up with, all the more so when you find out it is worth between £80-£90. I Know think it is far too good to give away as a Christmas pressie I may just sell it and enjoy the proceeds myself

It is all good and fine having an item worth lets say £100, what matters more is being able to sell it for that price. A quick check on a popular auction site has the same thing being advertised for £15.00, which is considerably less. Perhaps if I do hang onto this feast of 80’s erotic imagery it may well sell for a more desirable amount of money. For everything else in terms of erotic/ sexual gratification, there is a whole wide world of the World Wide Web to chose from. From yesterday I slept like a baby last night despite knowing I did not have sachets of cat food enough to feed my brood of beasts. I took a pill actually, it tasted horrid but did the job with only some dream about writing a book or other manuscript to accompany my slumbers. To keep the anxiety at bay I am busying myself with any number of different things, cutting up a load of garden waste, tidying the house all these things help. What works best I think is writing, it makes for no other space in my brain to let shit in and upset my day. Plus I am being creative and that is what I think I am here for. It provides for peace of mind, enables self expression in a myriad of different forms and sometimes even gives me a load of physical exercise with instant results too For everything else there is the gym. Today I am resting as my legs are tired and there is a small niggle in my shoulder. It is my body telling me to rest, the gym is not going to vanish in my absence and I can work out over the weekend.

I am going out this evening which may stall my usual evening painting slot, it is a talk on the Christmas Truce at the beginning of World War One. it will provide for a bit of learning, an opportunity to meet new people and other things too. I can paint when I get home, work on some more of the dancing project. occupy myself in productive and sensible ways and will concern myself with tomorrow when tomorrow comes. I do actually have a lot of painting to be getting on with and despite earlier claims have plenty of paper to paint upon. I am just an artist with ASD who sometimes finds it hard to relax, go with the flow and use that big pile in the cupboard. Or is it simply that I need/ want a Dopamine fix by going shopping for stuff I do not always need? Either way I will be needing more art supplies before the year is out, that is guaranteed.